


A Grand Tale

by owlpockets



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Art, F/F, Femslash February
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:27:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlpockets/pseuds/owlpockets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a bad break-up, Darcy just wants to have a little fun.  On Asgard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Femslash February wooo!! Here we have an illustrated femslash story for you, with stunning art by [jarvipie](http://jarvipie.tumblr.com/) and words by me. Primarily we wanted to do this plot because we thought Darcy would look hella hot in Asgardian clothes.
> 
> There is also a soundtrack to go with this fic, which you can check out [here on 8tracks](http://8tracks.com/owlpockets/aphrodite-lady-seashell-bikini)!

"Wait! Waaaaaaait!" Darcy was running as fast as her feet would move in those supremely uncomfortable (but supremely cute) new boots that were the first thing she could grab and still make it. She hadn't bothered to bring a coat or a hat, though it was the middle of winter, figuring those things would be unnecessary where she was headed.

The Bifrost was...powering up, for lack of a better descriptor. Darcy didn't really understand any of the science she worked on, but it didn't matter so much as long as she could do the work. Jane looked out at her, startled, from the gathering lights, just before Darcy dove forward and locked her arms around Thor's leg. Was this a stupid idea, she wondered as she choked on her own hair and felt her arms begin to rip out of their sockets? Probably, but they were already in space and it was too late to back out. Thor, to his credit, didn't try to shake her off. She knew she liked him for a reason.

The journey was considerably shorter than Darcy had expected, and she found herself crashing to a hard floor in a brilliantly gold room. Winded, she coughed out the chunk of hair going down her throat and took stock of all her various parts to make sure nothing was missing.

"What were you thinking?!" Jane got very shrill when she was upset, and this was perhaps a higher pitch than Darcy had heard before. "If you wanted to come along why didn't you say so before? That was really, really dangerous!"

Jane's face was flushed as she leaned over Darcy. Thor's beard loomed into view a moment later. Darcy smiled weakly. "It was a last minute decision," she wheezed. "Anyway, I didn't die, it's cool."

Thor grinned and looked across at Jane. "Her tenacity is admirable."

"What he said," Darcy added as she tried sitting up. The room tilted a little, and she would have lay back down if Jane hadn't thrown an arm around her shoulders. "Whoa. I haven't felt this high since freshman year."

"The Bifrost can be disorienting for mortals the first time," Thor said. He offered his hand and helped Darcy to stand while Jane steadied her from behind.

"Promise me you will never try something that stupid again?" 

Jane looked so genuinely spooked now that Darcy felt bad and gave her a one-armed hug. "Yes, ma'am. Well, I'll probably do a lot of stupid things in the future, but I promise I won't jump out into space again without asking your first."

"Okay, that's...good enough." Jane didn't look totally convinced.

Darcy adjusted her clothes and hair, making sure nothing important had fallen out of her pockets. She finally took a good look at her surroundings; any doubts she may have had about the veracity of Jane's descriptions were blown out the window. "And this is just the entrance? Dang."

"Welcome back, Thor and Jane Foster. Greetings Darcy Lewis. It is a fine day for a Midwinter feast."

Jane had also not been exaggerating that all the Asgardians shared a particularly physique. Darcy might have been intimidated by the gold-plated man with strangely bright eyes standing over them if she hadn’t been preoccupied wishing he was wearing a bit less armor. "Hey, how's it going?" She pulled out her phone and pretended to check for a signal while she took a discreet photo of the man. Jane caught on and elbowed her in the side.

"Heimdall! Will you be joining us for the festivities tonight?" Thor, ever enthusiastic, gave a hopefully grin.

"No, my friend. I will be watching, as always." The answer was directed at Thor, but Darcy couldn't help but feel it was directed a little bit at her too, with the flick of Heimdall's golden eyes in her direction. She didn't regret the stealth photo, though.

"Alas! I will be sure some meat is sent to you before Volstagg eats all of it." Thor chuckled and started toward the door.

"I appreciate the thought, but my hopes are not high," Heimdall answered amiably.

"See you in a couple of days," Jane said with an awkward wave as she followed close behind Thor.

Darcy dashed after them with a rushed 'bye', a little bit relieved to be away from those unsettling eyes. "He can't see through clothes, can he?" she whispered to Jane when they were outside.

Jane looked as if she hadn't considered this before. "I don't know. Thor says he keeps an eye on me, though, so I'm pretty sure he's already seen us naked."

"Hmm," Darcy considered this and found she wasn't totally put off by the idea. "I'm not sure whether to be scandalized or aroused."

Jane didn't answer immediately, her eyes on Thor's back. "Me either," she whispered quickly, and trotted up to grab Thor's elbow, leaving Darcy to try to stifled her laughter in peace.

Once her giggles were under control, Darcy moved up to walk at Jane's other side; being by far the shortest of the three, she had to almost run to keep up. "So tell me about this feast we're going to. I probably shouldn't have worn jeans, huh? Will there be roast beast?"

"You probably should have thought of that before you invited yourself along," Jane shot back.

"It is an annual diplomatic celebration, any in the nine realms may attend," Thor countered gently. "There will be many roast beasts."

"Anyone? Even those Dark Elf guys?"

"Not them," Thor laughed. "Heimdall guards against guests with malicious intent."

"Why did you want to come all of a sudden, by the way?" Jane asked. "I thought you were taking a weekend trip with Ian?"

Darcy snorted. "The _intern_ and I had some very different ideas about long-term relationships, as it turned out. I dumped him last night. A trip to space seemed a lot more fun than sitting at home with a tub of Rocky Road and _Bridget Jones' Diary_."

"Oh! I'm sorry, what happened?" Jane's face softened a bit, and she took a more kindly tone.

"Weeeell..." Darcy took a deep breath. She had been frightfully angry that morning, and she could feel it welling up again in her chest. “Turns out he was going to secret sex parties when he said he was taking a late class on Tuesdays. I didn’t even know those were a thing now in college. Undergrad, amirite?”

Jane looked at her with a mixture of horror and skepticism. Thor just looked mildly confused. “You were not invited to these sex parties?” he asked.

“No! And his excuse was he didn’t think I’d be into it. Which, well, he’d be right, but at least _ask_ , yo. I wouldn’t have even found out about it if his _other_ girlfriend – my ex-friend now, by the way – hadn’t posted a photo of them together at the last party on _Facebook_.” Darcy huffed.

Jane momentarily looked like a fish out of water. “…I would never have guessed any of this.”

Thor seemed to be putting two and two together. “Are orgies not acceptable on Midgard anymore?”

“They are on Asgard?” Darcy asked. 

“I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation,” Jane added.

Thor nodded as if nothing was at all unusual happening. “Yes, they are quite common.”

“Okay, we are talking about something else now,” Jane interjected before he could say more. “Darcy, you should come with me to get a dress for the feast.”

“Sure, I could use a little retail therapy. I bet the shops here are bitchin.” Darcy was quite ready to forget about her breakup and focus on the fact that she was on another planet about to go to a Viking-esque feast with a lot of aliens. _Aliens. Wow._ “Do you think they take plastic? Because I don’t have any cash or gold coins or whatever they use here.”

__

Within an hour of arriving at the dressmaker, Darcy was surrounded by ladies with wide, admiring eyes tittering away and taking her bust to waist to hip ratio over and over again. Some of these women Darcy was pretty sure didn’t even work here, since they seemed to appear out of the woodwork. The reason she was getting so much attention was pretty obvious, but she was going to milk it for all it was worth anyway. “Yeah, I’ve had them since I was fifteen, can you believe that?” Darcy lifted her breasts slightly to maximize the effect.

Jane was already nearly done with her fitting on the other side of the room, but Darcy could still see her roll her eyes. “Hey Jane, you jelly?” Darcy snickered. “I’m surrounded by beautiful ladies over here and you’re not.”

“Of course not.” Jane sniffed delicately and surreptitiously looked down at her own, far less impressive, chest. Asgardian women praised a fuller figure, it seemed. “Did you find something you like yet?”

“It is so not my fault I was apparently born to wear Asgardian clothes. They’re the ones that keep picking out new stuff, not me.” Darcy turned to the side to admire her reflection in a raspberry confection of a dress that cinched perfectly at the waist. She had the exact right lipstick for this one in her purse. “I think I’ll have this one.”

“Finally,” Jane sighed. But she was smiling, taking a spin on her pedestal in the blue-green gown with delicate silver beading around the neckline she had chosen. “What do you think?”

“Mermaid princess, totally,” Darcy answered. “How about me? It’s not too much is it, with the…?” She pointed down at the ample cleavage showing over the low scoop neckline.

“It’s perfect on you. Besides, you deserve to have a wild night out. It’s just as therapeutic as shopping,” Jane said in her matter-of-fact way.

Darcy turned and looked at her over her glasses. “You sound like you have some experience with this. What are you getting me into here?”

“It’s you that wanted to come along, I won’t be held responsible for the consequences of you and your boobs being suddenly single on a planet of pansexuals.” Jane schooled her face into a suspiciously innocent expression and started playing with her hair in the mirror.

“Pansexuals, hm?” Darcy picked up her phone and snapped a selfie in her new dress.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring more stunning art by [jarvipie](http://jarvipie.tumblr.com/)! And check out the soundtrack [here](http://8tracks.com/owlpockets/a-grand-tale)!

This party put all other parties Darcy had ever attended to shame. It was the most decadent, elegant, and _fun_ party she could have possibly conceived in her imagination. Plus, everyone was smoking hot. For once in her life, Darcy was not being hit on by every dudebro, pimply geek, and unpleasantly drunk sorority girl in the room, because there weren’t any of those. Darcy guessed there wasn’t a single Asgardian, of either sex, under six feet. The muscle tone on the women alone was enough to put her college’s football team to shame. They talked boldly and lavishly as they regaled each other and their guests with grand tales of prowess on the battlefield and in the bedroom, all of which Darcy could easily imagine were true. And Darcy was having a hard time believing that these statuesque people were interested in (short, decidedly not buff) her; the appreciative looks she was getting made her feel rather more a like a goddess than a piece of meat. 

“Lady Darcy, how very lovely to meet you again.” Okay, so Thor’s friend Fandral was a bit of a sleaze, but he was a pretty sleaze at least.

“Nice to see you too,” Darcy replied, hitting him lightly on the shoulder with the back of her hand. She hoped he would interpret that as friendly but in a bro-ish way. “How’s space been?”  
“What?” Fandral looked confused, clearly not catching the joke. Oh well, they couldn’t all be that hot _and_ smart.

Darcy started walking past him, really not in the mood to waste too much time talking to one person she already knew and didn’t care for when there were so many other possibilities to hit on. “Yeah, I’m gonna go see what Jane’s up to. See ya!”

Fandral looked mildly disappointed, but he didn’t try to stop her. “Enjoy your evening.”

Jane wasn’t difficult to find, since Thor was so big, even by Asgardian standards. The two of them together looked like celebrity power couple of the year, Darcy thought. It was kind of adorable how flustered Jane was with all the social attention. She wasn’t the best at gracious entertaining of strangers. Actually, to be totally honest, Jane was pretty awkward with people she didn’t know well.

“Hey giiiirl. How’s it going?” Darcy sidled up to her friends, wrapping her hand around Jane’s elbow and leaned close. “You look like you’re going to pop a vein. Too much party?”

“No, it’s not that….” Jane muttered back. “Okay, maybe it is that. Networking was never my favorite thing about science.”

“That’s pretty obvious. When I met you, you were living in a trailer in the middle of the desert. That is not exactly social behavior.”

“Oh my god, I miss my trailer,” Jane groaned.

Darcy patted her arm. “I know. Let’s go dance for a while.”

“Another thing I’m not great at.” But Jane didn’t resist the light tug from Darcy, mouthing the word ‘dance’ and pointing toward the musicians when Thor looked after her questioningly.

“I don’t think it matters if you’re good or not, everyone seems to be doing something totally different. Just follow my lead.” Darcy had been watching the dancing for a while and couldn’t make heads or tales of the style. Some people seemed to be swaying generically, others were moving enthusiastically, but not on the beat, and some appeared to be doing something like a interpretive performance piece towards the front. The last group looked somewhat professional, but overall she just had to assume that all different aliens had different ideas about rhythm. Either that or they really all were incredibly bad dancers.

“I took a belly dancing class in college. It’s pretty easy, you just move your hips in sort of a figure eight pattern like this,” Darcy told Jane as she started demonstrating the basic move. The music seemed to lend itself pretty well to that sort of dance, and she was also eager to see her dress float around. 

“Okay…” Jane said uncertainly, trying to copy Darcy’s movements. “This isn’t too hard.”

“See? Isn’t this more fun than making small talk with strangers?” Darcy started demonstrating things to do with her arms and legs. She never considered herself a natural at belly dance, but she was feeling fairly elegant compared to the guy near them that appeared to be having a seizure in just his legs. At least he was into it, she supposed. “And trust me, we look awesome.”

Jane looked like she was trying hard not to giggle, and she covered her mouth with one hand. “Yes, I think we’re doing very well.”

Darcy could tell her friend was loosening up and she smiled, grabbing both her hands and spinning the two of them around several times. This was fun, especially now that they were gathering a little audience. Some of the women (and, hilariously, leg seizure guy) were even copying Darcy’s moves, to varying degrees of success.

The music changed to something calmer, and Darcy wasn’t sure Jane was into slow dancing. They both stood swaying in place for a moment, out of breath and smiling. Darcy received several pats on the back and a couple on the butt as their little circle dissipated and relocated to other parts of the dance floor or the massive self-serve kegs lined up along one wall. “That was fun,” she said. “Maybe you should see if Thor wants to dance for this one, eh?”

“Oh, maybe,” Jane answered breezily. It didn’t seem like she was much in the mood for romance, but rather in need of letting off steam. “I don’t think he’s much of a dancer, though.”

“Well, we could get a drink and sit for a minute? I don’t know about you, but I’m not in the greatest shape—” Darcy stopped talking when a statuesque figure appeared out of the shadows behind Jane and tapped her on the shoulder.

“May I?” Now that her brain had caught up with her eyes (she wasn’t soon going to forgot a dress like _that_ ), Darcy could see that the newcomer was Thor’s friend Lady Sif. And she was wearing a black dress that left little to the imagination. Actually, Darcy wasn’t entirely sure how the thing was staying in place. Asgardian magic, or science, or whatever it was.

Jane looked like her brain hadn’t quite caught up with her eyes yet either. “Uhhh…me or her?”

“Lady Darcy, of course. I wouldn’t presume to steal your attentions away from Thor, Jane Foster,” Sif answered with a gracious smile. She held out her hand for Darcy to take and repeated, “May I dance with you?”

Darcy remembered at the last second to close her gaping mouth, then nodded vaguely as she placed her hand on Sif’s. “Sure, yeah, let’s dance.”

As Sif led her close to the middle of the dance floor, Darcy could see around her shoulder that Jane was giving her a very surprised double thumbs up. She almost giggled, giddy that she was suddenly dancing with an extremely hot Viking warrior goddess. Darcy started a mental bucket list, with that at the top already crossed out.

“I’m sure I didn’t see you earlier, I would have remembered this dress,” Darcy blurted out. She hoped it didn’t sound smarmy. The weren’t doing much more yet than swaying with their arms on each other, but she didn’t think she could hold a successfully flirty conversation and dance for real at the same time under the circumstances.

“I was late, yes. More guests arrived than expected and the Allfather requested I go out to kill a second boar for them to eat. It is being prepared as we speak, and I must say the size is impressive. You will like to see it when it’s ready,” Sif answered. Her smile and pride in herself were sincere. 

Darcy had never been wooed with big game hunting before, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Cool.”

“I hit it straight through the heart with my spear, it was my most elegant kill yet,” Sif continued a she gently guided Darcy around the other couples that were gathering to join them. “You look very lovely tonight.”

“Thanks, you do too. I just got this dress today, you would not believe how many I had to try on,” Darcy felt relieved that they had moved on to clothes, which is something she could talk about forever. “They just kept bringing more out. Does that happen to you when you go out shopping here?”

“No, that is special treatment,” Sif replied with a look that Darcy could only describe as slightly amorous. “Few women have your proportions on Asgard. It is a very desirable figure.”

“Yeah, I was kind of getting that impression. I never thought being short would be suddenly be hot.” Darcy had a feeling that night was about to get extra interesting and she was totally okay with that. “Not that I’m complaining. I could definitely get used to the princess treatment.”

“If you would like to feel as an Asgardian princess would, you should allow me to assist you with weapons training tomorrow.” Sif spun them gracefully around with a firm hand at Darcy’s waist, her feet barely touching the ground.

“You know what, that does sound kinda fun.” The song ended and Darcy stopped moving, sweeping her hair back and fanning herself with one hand. Both of Sif’s hands were still on her, and that was definitely not helping Darcy cool down. “Can we get a drink?”

“Of course.” Sif stepped away and took Darcy’s hand instead. They arrived at the line of kegs against the wall, and Sif brought two cups over. She pointed at the nearest keg. “This is my favorite, though it is quite strong.”

“That’s okay, I’ve done my fair share of college binging. I can handle it,” Darcy assured her. In reality she wasn’t at all sure, if Thor was anything to by. But Darcy was game to try if it meant having a chance to get up Sif’s skirt because everything about Asgard had been steadily making her hornier since she arrived.

Sif handed over a full mug, some of the dark brown liquid slopping over the side. “To Midwinter,” she said, knocking her cup against Darcy’s.

“To Midwinter…and princesses,” Darcy added. They both chugged, though Darcy instantly regretted it and choked a bit. The stuff tasted like how she imaged the back end of…well…a wild boar would taste. She lowered the cup while Sif was still knocking it back and discreetly wiped her mouth. Not a good decision.

If Sif noticed, she didn’t comment. Instead she banged their cups together one more time and smiled. “Would you care to join me in one of the guest rooms for the evening?”

Darcy made a show of pursing her lips and tapping her chin. “I’ll think about it. It’s still kind of early, I want to eat.”

“Meet me on the third floor when you decide.” Sif clearly had no doubts that she was going to get laid tonight.

Before she could stop herself Darcy said, “See you later.”

Sif took her mug, and gave Darcy a significant look as she walked away, slowly, clearly swaying her hips extra wide, a movement emphasized by the cutout in her dress.

__

Darcy thought about it for a grand total of a half an hour. Basically, just long enough to grab a little bit to eat and another drink. Also to view the roast beasts, which she nudged and giggled at Jane about for the entire time. The half hour was more of a formality for her dignity than anything, because who wouldn’t immediately take the chance to jump into bed with a legit goddess? At any rate, here she was, in one of the apparently hundreds of guest bedrooms in Odin’s palace, with a ridiculously hot woman and the rest of the night to enjoy. They weren’t the only couple to retire early; it appeared to be a common activity at this particularly celebration. Or possibly all of them. She would have to interrogate Thor for future reference.

Darcy smashed Sif against the gilded wall—or more likely Sif let her—which was all the more satisfying knowing she probably didn’t even feel it. Asgardians were good for venting violent as well as sexual frustrations. Her knee went between Sif’s legs as she sucked her bottom lip, but was hampered by their long skirts. It was struggle to get the bodice down on Sif’s dress, all the while the while she was grinning in amusement at Darcy’s efforts without lifting a hand to help.

“Oh my goddess, what is this thing made of?” Darcy huffed as she fought to get the dress off Sif’s hips. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to be wearing anything underneath it.

Sif leaned forward slightly and her naked breasts pushed up against Darcy’s still clothed chest. “Are you having trouble concentrating?” Apparently, she was a horrible tease.

“Uhh, now I am,” Darcy answered. She stopped fighting with the dress and ran both hands up Sif’s sides instead. “Why don’t you help me finish since I can’t seem to do it myself?”

“I think I can handle that.” 

As Sif worked the dress off her hips, Darcy acted on impulse and pushed her face against her breasts and rubbed her face against them. They were just as firm and bouncy as she was expecting. “Sorry, I think I’m a little tipsy. That space booze is strong stuff,” she said, but Sif didn’t even look surprised when she looked up.

“I deserve a fair trade for that.”

“If you insist.” Darcy stepped back before Sif could grab for her dress. “BUT. You have to watch first.”

Sif looked intrigued as Darcy took a few more steps back and pointed at the bed. “Sit down and let me give you a little show, milady.” Darcy almost regretted this decision when Sif sat down with no propriety, leaning back with both sandaled feet planted firmly on floor. That position defined her muscles beautifully, and Darcy felt a little tingly all over. 

Pretending there was sexy jazz music playing, Darcy shimmied her shoulders, then turned and wiggled her butt. She looked over her shoulder and blew a kiss, then slipped down one strap of her dress at a time. Darcy let the whole bodice of her dress fall, and gave Sif a brief peek at her boobs in their coral satin and lace bra. Sif clapped delightedly behind her, grinning widely. “Oh, you like that, huh?”

Switching her hips slowly, Darcy worked the dress halfway down her butt, then stopped abruptly. She suddenly remembered which panties she had thrown on that morning before running out the door, and they were definitely cotton and definitely beige. And now they were showing in all their sagging grandmotherly glory. _Wow, I did not think this through._

“So…that’s probably a boner-killer.” Darcy turned her upper body and made a grimace. “I was in a hurry this morning and…well. I’m not sure I was expecting to actually get laid tonight?”

“I don’t understand,” Sif looked genuinely confused and a little surprised. “What is the problem?”

Darcy almost laughed, partly at Sif’s serious expression and partly at herself for being so self-conscious. Granny panties were clearly not part of Asgardian pop culture. “Just the uhh…. Nevermind, it’s nothing.” A small giggle did escape after all, and Darcy dropped her dress to the floor.

“Come here,” Sif purred before Darcy could continue her strip tease. She reached out and pulled Darcy in by her hands without getting up. “Take this off, I want to look at your tits,” she said, tugging on the band of her bra.

Darcy complied, unhooking it slowly and dropping it in Sif’s lap. She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties. “These too?”

“Yes.” Sif tore her eyes away from Darcy’s chest to look down. The second the panties were gone she teased her fingers through her carefully trimmed pubic hair. “I like this style. It looks good on you.”

Darcy thought she might have come from the light touch and compliment alone. “You say the sweetest things. Can I eat you out now?”

Sif laughed and slid back on the bed. “If you insist,” she replied.

“I do insist. You really know how to talk to a lady.” Darcy knelt on the bed and waited for Sif to get comfortable before she dove in. Perhaps she started off a little too enthusiastically, but Sif’s hand on her head slowed her down.

“Mm, Darcy. That’s perfect.” Sif’s thighs tensed and relaxed and she moved her hips a little with the rhythm of Darcy’s tongue. It didn’t take her long to come, and Darcy was totally willing to lap it all up. 

Darcy sat back and wiped her mouth with the heel of her hand, feeling a slow smile spread across her face. “Not bad for an earthling, huh?”

“I imagine you get a lot of practice.” Sif stretched her legs out around Darcy and watched her through slitted eyelids.

“Less than I’d like, I’m just a natural.” Darcy crawled up and kissed Sif on the lips several times in succession. She felt Sif start fingering her, and she rocked back into it. Already Darcy could tell she wasn’t going to last much longer than Sif had, so she figured she might as well own it. Presumably they had the rest of the night to take it slow, and she wanted an orgasm right the fuck now. 

Sif seemed to understand just from her body language; must be a perk of having sex with someone who was thousands of years old. “Better?”

“Yeah, yeah, I want it hard,” Darcy groaned. “ _Fuck._ ”

Darcy finished quite suddenly after only a few minutes, one hand trying to balance and the other on Sif’s breast. She lost her balance and toppled over, weak in the elbows and knees from the force of her orgasm. Sif laughed at her and turned to the side so they were facing each other. “That was fun. Will you be spending the rest of the night with me?”

“Oh yeah, totally up for round two in a little while. Just let me – whew – catch my breath a little first.” Darcy pushed her hair off her sweaty face, kind of wishing she had thought to bring something to tie it back. “How are you not sweaty, like, at all after that?”

“I’m conserving my energy for later,” Sif quipped, tracing a finger around one of Darcy’s nipples. “We’ve only just started, haven’t we?”

Bonus sketches!


End file.
